Voldies Letters
by awesome-girl345
Summary: A funny little oneshot about Darling Voldie writing letters to his new 'Bestie' Harry Potter... So what happens? COMPLETE! Might write another about the two... if you review you could get another!


**What does Voldie do when he's bored? Write a letter to Harry and the Order of course!**

* * *

"WORMY! Oh Wormtail!" cried Voldemort in a sing song voice. Wormtail scurried in, squeaking

"Yes Mi'lord, what is it, Mi'lord?"

"Ahh Wormy" grinned Voldemort "Bring me a quill and some parchment!". Wormtail nodded and ran out saying "Of course Mi'lord"

Wormtail arrived a short time later with some parchment and a quill. Voldemort nodded to him, and flicked his hand in a gesture that suggested Wormy should leave. As he scurried out, Voldemort began to write...

* * *

_**Dearest Harry-I-cant-be-bothered-to-remember-your-middle-name-Potter,**_

_**I am very bored. Wormtail is always skulking around in corners, Bellatrix is STILL going on about killing Sirius! I mean, I've killed many'a people, and she's still going on about killing one measly blood traitor. And Snape, well Snape is always around with Lucy now (Lucius). Ever since Lucy and Cissy broke up, Lucy and Snape have been spending lots of time together.**_

_**From,**_

**_TheGreatestDarkLordToHaveLiv ed._**

* * *

"Wormy! Be a darling and bring me an owl?" squealed Voldemort.

Wormtail came in a minute later with a large tawny owl. Voldemort attached the letter and sent it off. He lent back in his chair and smiled evilly, waiting for the reply. The owl was on his way to Little Winging.

* * *

Harry was hungry. Dumbledore had forbidden the Weasleys to write to him. So he was bored too. He wanted a nap, but just then...

-TAP- -TAP- -TAP-

A large tawny owl sat outside his window looking tired and impatient. He hurriedly opened the window and the owl dropped the letter at his feet, before swooping of again, presumably to hunt. Eagerly he opened the letter, and his mouth dropped at its contents. He grabbed a quill, and sat down to write.

* * *

_**To the evil man who looks like a snake and killed my parents,**_

_**I'm bored too, the muggles are treating me bad and they don't feed me properly. Hey could you maybe pick up some food and send it with your next owl? Its the same with Ron and Hermione. Maybe Snape and Lucy are a 'thing' now. Yuck I hate all this coupley stuff. And even I'M over Sirius now! She's just milking it. I'm going back to Hogwarts in a fortnight so, YAY!**_

_**Love**_

_**TheAmazingBoyWhoLived!**_

_**Ps. My middle name is James. :p **_

* * *

Feeling pleased with his letter, he sent it off with Headwig. He looked round the bare room. Now for that nap, he thought gladly.

* * *

Poor Headwig finally made it to Voldemort's secret hidey hole. Elated Voldemort opened the letter as Headwig flew off. He decided to give the order a little FYI that he is contacting Potter.

* * *

_**Dear Order of the poopers,**_

_**I'm contacting Potter. Its more of an FYI than a... well, ya know. As a dark lord I prefer not to ask, so I'm just gonna say, yeah, we're chatting.**_

_**From,**_

_**DarkLordOfWhomKilledDumbledo re.**_

* * *

_**Dear the filthy half blood of whom is my enemy,**_

_**I don't give a damn what your middle name is. I'll send food. Hope you like chicken. Do the muggles really treat you that badly? Is it quite nice in Little Winging? Hows the weather down there? Its not that great up here... might have to get out my Dark lord winter clothes set. Very nice they are. I'll give you a discount as to where I go. I**_**_ts called Rotting Cauldrons. Here is a specially signed slip that'll give you a discount. Ya know, 'cause I'm a dark lord and all that. _**

**_I told the order that we're chatting. Hope you don't get into trouble._**

**_From, _**

**_HeWhoseNameIsSoAmazinglyAwes omeThatPeopleQuakeInTheirBoo tsWhenTheySayIt._**

* * *

Pleased with his two letters, he sent them off. One with some food and a 50% discount on Rotting Cauldrons clothing, the other that's just amazing.

* * *

"VOLDEMORTS DOING **WHAT**?" yelped Molly.

"Its what it says in the letter." said Remus.

"Ohh, that Voldemort's gonna get a thing or two when **I **next see him!" Glared Molly. Remus rolled his eyes while Molly continued berating thin air.

* * *

_**Dear Tommy,**_

_**You can't reply to this letter. :( I'm returning to Hogwarts next week. Thanks for the food. Maybe during Christmas we could do it again. Oh and thanks for the discount, I bet everyone will be uber jealous! The weather is getting colder now... pfft.**_

_**I loved talking to you. I'll friend you on facebook.**_

_**Your new bestie Harry.**_

* * *

That night for the first time in years, Voldemort cried...

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**Read and reviewwwwww (V)**

** (O.O)**


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